Mandy's Depression Homepage

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Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

"Miscarried" by Vanessa Davies

Mum I was not yours to keep
But children never are
My life and death have touched others
And changed you
In ways you cannot completely
Know or understand.
Ripples in the pool spreading,
My life and death
Will enrich your life.
Pain and loss are not my only legacy.

Weep, for I am worth every tear
Each worth more than gold.
A gift of love from you to me
And many die
With no-one to weep for them.
But do not weep for my sake.

Know and remember -
I never once was touched by fear
I never was afraid
I never felt the cold, not once,
Nor hunger's pains
And never, never was alone
You were with me always.

You gave me a chance to be
And now that I have a spirit and a soul that
Never can be lost.

To you my days were few
To me a lifetime.
A week to a child is a month or more
To me the days were long
With all my needs supplied by you
Till time came to move on
To better things.
Leaving you to pay the higher price.
Living is sometimes harder than dying.

So weep, and heal yourself
You will never be the same
Allow my life to touch your heart
And you will grow.
Learn from me that life is precious
And today is all we have.
Learn to love others
Today not tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow they are gone
Or we are gone.

Learn this and my life has had
Purpose and my death, meaning.

We are parted for a little while
But I am with my creator
Who loves us better
Than we love each other.

This was written by someone about her childhood. It reminds me so much of how I felt as a child and am feeling now:

"The Sad Child Within" by Alison S ~ used with permission

The memories are vivid, they live within me,
That small child so frightened, of things she did see,
She sat on the stairway, sobbing for love,
But they could not hear her, for their shouts rose above.

Walked to school apprehensive, of what she may find,
And all of the anger, she was leaving behind.

She needed a hug, a comforting word,
A friend, a companion, a release from the hurt.
She sat in the corner, the kids ran so fast, they never consoled her,
But always dashed past.

She longed for attention, unconditional love,
Someone to, "please" help her, but not with hand shove.
She still screams for affection, and someone to hold,
But her past hurt her childhood, she grew bitter and bold.

I know inside the adult, the child lives within,
The hurt still remains, and the feelings of sin.
She could not make them stop, for her love's not enough,
Her sadness unveiled, was excused as just, "tough".

She had to keep secrets, she had to, "shut up",
She had no speech freedom, "you're sad, well that's just bad luck".

She mistrusted adults, she watched every move,
Be careful, you can't, no don't and disapprove.

She confused what life brings her, if anything at all,
But she'll struggle it's battles, and emerge through its wall.
She sits years ahead, torn inside and shaken,
She wanders why from her, her childhood was taken.

"Stand up little girl, and flourish, be brave",
"Yes your childhood was taken, but your heart I can save".
"I'll always be with you, my love thrives inside",
"You'll not hurt any longer, and your soul shall survive".

"Why..." by Mandy

Why does life have to be so scary
Why do I have to be so wary
Why do I have to keep on coping
Why do I have to keep on moping

That's it now, everything is lost
I don't care about the cost
Words to me mean nothing now
So I'll take my final bow.

"I want..." By Mandy

I want to cry
I want to die
But I don't know why.

This is a poem by a very good mate. Thanks Kol!

I feel the blade across my skin
Probably it's the state I'm in
I'm in a game I just can't win
A situation I don't fit in
The process of death will begin
As soon as
I feel the blade across my skin

Kol, August 1999

If normality is like the sun,
Depression is like a permanent total eclipse.

Mandy, August 2000