Welcome to my jokes page. 

I have taken out the adult content jokes, but please be aware that some of the jokes may be offensive to some people.  I have no control over the jokes on the lists, so please be aware that some may be offensive and please do not hold me responsible for anything you read.

To get to a list of jokes please use the drop down menu below to select a category and hit "Go" to take you to a list of jokes within that category.

I can't decide if I find the following type of joke funny or offensive.  Don't get me wrong... I can (and do) laugh at myself so I don't have a problem with that - I think it's just the way it makes fun of something that is very serious and very upsetting for many people... I really don't know.  Anyway, I decided I was going to put this joke here and ask for people to vote (anonymously) on what they thought - funny or offensive 'cos I really can't decide how I feel about it.  So, here we go... joke first and then you can place your vote after the joke.

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.  Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep.  Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.  All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just screw it up"

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