If you feel you are being harassed either online or in person you may like to follow this advice. I don't claim to know anything about the law or anything like that... this is just common sense I guess. I'm hoping that eventually I'll be able to put something on this page that I have written with the help of my local Police Station but while I'm still working on that, I've decided to put these few tips here in the meantime.
The thing you need to remember is that the person who is harassing you wants control.
Don't let them have it.
You are your own person who is in charge of your own life and only *you* have control - nobody else. When you first start getting harassed that control is taken away from you and given to your harasser.
Harassment isn't your fault... your harasser has probably been planning this first move on you for a while - scary thought huh? :o( Don't let them keep on controlling you - don't keep on letting them have control. Yes, they've got control *now* but only you can stop it... only you can take control back.
I understand only too well how hard it is to do each of these things and I also know that in time it does get easier. For the first few weeks it will be incredibly hard but don't give up... it *will* slowly start to get easier:
Ask the person to leave you alone. They may not realise that you feel the way you do and it may be all you need to do to get them to leave you alone. If they don't leave you alone after being asked to, don't give up... just keep on asking them to leave you alone - don't say anything else... just say "please leave me alone".
Don't rise to their bait. It's hard not to but try and rise above it if you can.
Don't provoke them. I know it's tempting sometimes but you are better than they are.
Ignore them. I know how incredibly hard this is, so if you can't do it then *please* follow the next tip.
Ask them to leave you alone in response to any contact they have with you. Don't say anything other than "Please leave me alone. You are upsetting me and I don't like it so please leave me alone". This is also very very hard to start with but if you persist with it and don't say anything else other than this then it *does* get easier.
Don't give them what they want - your attention. They aren't worth it and you have more important things in your life than them.
Try and keep a printed record of all contact they have with you - what they said, your response, any witnesses etc. Make sure that you date and sign it and get any witnesses to sign it too. This may not always be possible - especially if you are being harassed online but do as much of it as you can... print out any emails they send you, keep a record of times and dates of any phone calls and what was said, if you have an answerphone and they left a message on your answerphone try and keep that message.
Contact the police and let them know everything that has been going on. Show them everything you have been keeping a record of and ask them for their advice. I know how scary just the thought of doing this is, but it really is very worth it. They will have talked to victims of harassment before and they will know how you are feeling. If you are in the UK, ask them for the phone number of your local Victim Support group. This is a very big and very scary step but it is definitely worth doing.
One of the online groups I'm with, RAOK, have put together a really good page about internet stalking with some good advice and links. If you'd like to see it please follow this link.
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