I've wanted to forgive my father, brother and r*pist for years and it's only now, almost 2 decades later than I can even start thinking about what it actually means!

Someone sent this (below) to one of the many groups I'm with and it's what I'm hopefully going to be able to do so I hope you find this as helpful as I did!

The Memory
Have you ever experienced an event in your life that you can't seem
to forget? It agitates you and angers you when you recall and dwell
on the memory. Perhaps someone did one or more of the following to
you?

• stole from you
• misled you
• cheated you in some way
• abused you
• lied to you

And you want to get back at them—period! You cannot seem to forget
the event. The anger and hate is rising and rising within you. Ask
yourself the following:

• Is it your mind that won't let you forget the event?
• Do you really want to forget the event?
• Or do you enjoy your thoughts of anger, hate, and thoughts of
revenge regarding the event?

The Choice of Revenge or Forgiveness
Fear, anger, hate, and revenge are the most destructive forms of
energy that a person can become embroiled in. These negative emotions
can dominate your thinking and can lead you to commit negative acts.
Revenge is a very dangerous act to commit. If you commit an
unjustifiable negative act in your life, you in turn will become part
of that negative cycle. What goes around comes around, no matter who
you are in this world. We see this time and time again in the media.
By giving in to your fear, anger, and hate you ultimately will be no
different than those who wronged you in the first place.

By allowing yourself to forgive the person and the event, you may
find yourself in a more comfortable and content state of mind. By
letting go of the need for revenge which is fed from your hate and
anger, you will naturally start focusing on the things in life that
truly matter to you and which hopefully bring you a sense of
fulfillment. When a person is pursuing the fulfillment of their own
life, generally speaking they will be content and comfortable with
life: no matter how physically hectic it can be!

You have a choice of thoughts regarding revenge or forgiveness:

• negative or positive
• destructive or non-destructive
• irrational or logical
• revenge or forgiveness

You make this choice; no one else does it for you. There may be times
in your life when you have to defend yourself, family, or even your
country; nonetheless, the decisions during the life path are yours.
It can be positively radiant and fulfilling, or it can become
depressingly negative and hateful. The choice is yours.

How to Forgive
Some people struggle with the concept of releasing anger toward
someone who has wronged them. The problem is that we can become so
entrenched in a viewpoint we simply don't know any different.

Here are ten ways to help you move towards contentment and
forgiveness in your life and move away from toxic emotions. Go to a
quite place preferably in your home, then relax for a 5-10 minutes
and go through the following steps in your mind.

1. Calm your emotions through deep breathing.
2. Analyze the event from a logical objective perspective
3. Seek the truth and the facts
4. Acknowledge the facts of what happened
5. Know that your were mistreated
6. Know that you were right
7. Let the memory fade into history
8. Let go of the anger and hateful energy that surrounds you
9. Focus your thoughts on those who care about you in life
10. Focus your thoughts on the things in life that you like in
life

By performing these simple steps on a daily basis, you should
gradually notice that you feel more content and at peace with
yourself. By focusing on those who love you and the things in life
that you like, you will attract positive energy into your life . . .
and that's a good thing.